Epistemology

My blog seems to have attracted a frightening new class of intellectual comments.  One person even used the word "epistemology".  It's freaking me out.  And since I know I am heaps more smarter than you, I just knew I would have to explain it to you.  So bear with me while I turn up the dial on intellectualishness today.

It's a little known fact that the word "epistemology" has two meanings.  The more widely known, or "street" meaning, is "theory of knowledge", from the Greek episteme: "knowledge"; and logia: "study of".  It's the area of theory and conjecture about how it is that we know certain things. To help you remember this, here's a little dialogue:

Dullard

You epistemologists are a bunch of know-it-alls!

Epistemologist

Takes one to know one.

The other (medical) meaning is derived from the Greek epi-: "around"; STEMI: an abbreviation for ST-segment elevated myocardial infarction; and logia: "study of".  Thus, epistemology is the study of things that happen around heart attacks.  It includes, but is not limited to, the study of:

• screaming,
• ineffectual pounding of the chest for just a few seconds,
• utterance of phrases such as, "Fight damn you! FIIIIGHT!!!"
• injection of adrenaline straight into the heart by gonzo stoner drug dealers, and
• promises to love someone as they truly deserve, if only they'll wake up.

Obviously the clinical study of such phenomena is only undertaken by the most callous of researchers.  They have been known to induce heart attacks in innocent victims by handing out forged lottery-winning tickets, seducing spouses, and scoring goals against the run of play in Serie A.  So the next time your friendly neighborhood philosopher mentions his special interest in epistemology, stop and think.  Maybe he's one of them.